tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC August 22, 2012 12:35am-1:35am EDT
♪ washed my hands of that for this i miss my mom and dad for this ♪ ♪ no when i see stars that's all they are when i hear songs ♪ ♪ they sound like this one so come on come on oh come on ♪ ♪ oh come on well grab a seat 'cause daddy's home five minutes in ♪ ♪ and i'm bored again ten years of this i'm not sure if anybody understands ♪ ♪ this one is not for the folks at home sorry to leave mom i had to go ♪ ♪ who or what wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun ♪ ♪ my heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she calls love ♪ ♪ when i look into my nephew's eyes man you wouldn't believe the most amazing things ♪ ♪ that can come from some terrible lies
oh whoa oh whoa ♪ ♪ oh oh the other night you wouldn't believe the dream i just had about you and me ♪ ♪ i called you up but we'd both agree it's for the best you didn't listen ♪ ♪ it's for the best we get our distance oh it's for the best you didn't listen ♪ ♪ oh oh it's for the best we get our distance oh oh ♪ ♪ oh whoa oh whoa oh oh ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: good. all righty, n. nice job, guys. thanks, everybody. thanks, you guys. nice job. i want to thank my guests shia labeouf,
jean-claude van damme and fun. coming up tomorrow night katie couric. but jimmy fallon is happening now. jimmy! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: feel that love. thank you, that's a great new york city crowd right there. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. what a fun show we got tonight. thank you for watching. thank you for tuning in. you guys, some major tv news. there is talk that nicki minaj will join mariah carey on the new season of "american idol." or as randy jackson put it "yeah, not the minaj i was hoping for." >> steve: that's right. >> jimmy: en francais. a big sports story, at the age of 50, roger clemens has signed on to play for a minor league team in texas. you can tell he's getting up there, today he tested positive for activia. >> jimmy: you guys, today is national senior citizens day. [ applause ]
so that's why the clubs were so packed tonight. i was wondering -- yeah, it's national senior citizens day not to be confused with national senior citizens week, the republican national convention in florida. that is happening -- [ laughter and applause ] actually, i just read that a hurricane could threatening next weeks national republican convention in tampa. yeah, it could really hurt republican's which explains it's name, hurricane todd akin. [ laughter and applause ] did you hear about this? a man running for mayor in new jersey has been arrested for selling marijuana. yeah, people knew something was up because he promised to lower taxes on the middle class, on the poor, and on bags of funions. that's what he said, he wants to lower taxes. [ applause ] and finally, matel just unveiled a new barbie that is being referred to as the drag queen barbie.
confused child sold separately. [ laughter ] that's right a gender ambiguous barbie doll or as it's also known, ken. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight, give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that is grammy nominated trumpeter christian scott right there sitting in with the roots. [ cheers and applause ] he is the best.
here is his new album, "christian atunde adjuah." thank you so much for being here, christian. what kind of trumpet is that? >> actually, this is the first in a world it's called a siren. it's a hybrid of trumpet, a cornet, and a flugelhorn. >> jimmy: i was going to say something. yeah, it looked like you were playing a grammy. [ laughter ] fingers crossed you be after this record. there you go. congratulations, buddy. >> thanks, man. >> jimmy: hey, we've got a big show tonight. we love it when she stops by, the beautiful tyra banks is here, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] smarty pants too, i like her. this guy is relentlessly funny, from "the opie and anthony show," jim norton is dropping in. [ cheers and applause ] he's always funny. and he's the man behind such hit shows as "everybody loves raymond," "ed," and "the late show with david letterman," rob burnett is joining us to talk about his new movie that's he written and directed. [ cheers and applause ] and we've got music from a$ap rocky tonight! [ cheers and applause ] oh, man! woo!
a lot of show. >> steve: a lot. >> jimmy: a lot of fun stuff. guys, it's time to take a look at the stories making headlines today. and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons a pros ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tonight we will be taking a look at the pros and cons of returning to college. summer is almost over, kids are going back to school. there is going to be books. there is going to be bars. there is going to be bongs. you're going to be sitting in a bar reading a book about bongs. look, whatever your into, it's your life. uncie jimmy preaches free will. [ laughter ] >> steve: what's that uncie jimmy? >> jimmy: i don't know what's going on. let's take a look at the pros and cons of returning to college. here we go you guys. pro, you're a senior. con, for the third year in a row. [ laughter ] that's a fun year, you want to hold on to that. >> steve: fun year. >> jimmy: pro, you've maintained a steady 4.0.
con, out of 100. [ laughter ] that's a different system. >> steve: still a win. >> jimmy: pro, finding a roommate who's into one direction. con, finding a roommate who's into more than one direction. [ laughter ] you never know. >> steve: that's what uncie jimmy says. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pro, college is a time to find out who you truly are. con, which according to your fake id is a 38-year-old guy named abdul from uzbekistan. "i love college." >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: "body shots on the house." pro, you're majoring in philosophy. con, or is philosophy majoring in you. [ laughter and applause ] think about it. >> steve: weird. >> jimmy: pro, so much sex is going to happen in your dorm room. con, while you're trying to sleep. [ laughter ] >> steve: not good. >> jimmy: "i'm trying sleep, you guys.
i'm trying to read my kindle. i'm sleeping with my ken doll." >> steve: "i told you to leave the sock on the door." >> jimmy: "i wanted you to put my argyle sock on the door." pro, you avoided the freshman 15. con, by tripling it. there you go. that's one way to do it. >> steve: the freshman 45. >> jimmy: 45 y'all. pro, you're driven, focused, and ambitious. con, during beer pong. [ laughter ] well you've got to have priorities. and finally pro, even if you don't like your roommate, it's not like you're stuck with him for four years. con, it doesn't work like that in the real world. there you go guys. that is the pros and cons. we'll be right back with tyra banks! woo! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ there are projects. and there are game-changers. those ideas that start with us rolling up our sleeves...
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[ cheers and applause ] jimmy: our first guest is a supermodel, successful businesswoman, and television host. her show, "america's next top model," has its season premiere this friday at 8:00 p.m. on the cw. please welcome back to our show, tyra banks, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, tyra. >> hello. >> jimmy: you look gorgeous as always. >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you for coming back to our show. you smell beautiful, as well. >> do i? >> jimmy: yes. >> thank you. that was a last minute ch-ch-ch-ch. >> jimmy: oh, was it really? is it axe body spray? [ laughter ] >> well, it was supposed to go here. but i was like, "i have to hug jimmy, so let me just put it there." >> jimmy: you put it in your armpits, i appreciate that, thank you. [ laughs ] >> and you smelled it when i hugged you, too. >> jimmy: yeah, you did. you went like that. it smelled great. i want to congratulate you -- a big milestone.
seven million people following you on twitter. >> yes, just recently, seven million. >> jimmy: that is amazing. [ cheers and applause ] seven million people. >> yes, it's so exciting. and to celebrate seven million, i did this like, send me great pictures, you guys, of representing the number seven for the seven million fans that we have. and this one guy sent something quite lovely. >> jimmy: yeah, it's pretty interesting. i want to wear this when i go out. that's pretty good right there. [ laughter ] he looks good. this is santiago artemis. >> artemis. >> jimmy: now, where is he from? >> colombia, i think. >> jimmy: oh, colombia. >> look at that seven on his chest. even the guys that follow me and love "top model" are into it. >> jimmy: pretty stylish, yes. i mean, he almost looks like lady gaga. >> gaga. [ laughter ] lady gaga. but it's all about the fans on "top model" this cycle, actually. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's what it's all about. everyone's just here -- they're getting psyched up. >> they're getting psyched up because they get to vote this year. >> jimmy: this is a major thing. >> this is the first time ever that the "top model" fan can actually vote and send a girl home. all these years, other people were "why tyra? why did you send her home?" [ laughs ] you know? >> jimmy: yeah. >> and now they are participating.
>> jimmy: now you got it so people can get into it. but, i mean, did you see twitter growing as soon as you started "top model?" is that it is? >> no, i thought of twitter when i was doing my talk show. and it's just grown and grown. and i think it's about being real, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's not about like -- sometimes -- >> jimmy: you look like you're angry. >> you know what i'm saying? this is being real. >> jimmy: it's being real. >> so many people are like, "watch me on this," or "do this," or "my album is dropping." just keep it real, and also be alive with your fans. i call them fams, f-a-m with an "m." >> jimmy: nice. >> yeah, like family. >> jimmy: so, your fam? >> my fam. >> jimmy: yeah, i like your fam. [ laughs ] here is one of your photos right here, just going "yeah, keeping it real --" [ laughter ] these are real, oh my goodness. [ applause ] >> yes. >> jimmy: you look gorgeous there. >> yes, that actually, i sent that out on instagram and twitter. and i thought that my forehead looked humongous on this photo. and so, i just made a joke, and i was like "yo, i challenge all you guys to a big forehead contest. you know i got that win on
lock." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: big forehead? your forehead's not big. >> oh, please. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> hello. >> jimmy: really? >> my forehead is so big, it's a fivehead, jimmy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, come on, now. >> it is so big. but after i sent this, all these girls started saying, guys started saying "oh my god, tyra, i'm down with your big forehead crew. i got a big forehead. you're making me feel good about my big forehead." [ laughter ] and it just became this movement. >> jimmy: really? >> and i want to see if your -- like, can qualify. >> jimmy: for having a giant forehead? >> yes, do you mind? >> jimmy: i have a giant head. [ laughter ] oh, you have a -- [ cheers and applause ] >> i have a measuring tape. >> jimmy: very exciting. >> okay, we're going to do -- >> jimmy: where does it start? >> -- from the point of the middle of the eyebrow to -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: to the top of the toupee? >> the top of the toupee. [ laughter ] you are measuring three inches. >> jimmy: three inch forehead. >> and then, let's see your width. >> jimmy: oh no. [ laughter ] 18 inches. >> seven inches.
but, you have what we call an "m" shape, meaning your lower in the middle and higher on the sides. >> jimmy: like an eddie munster type of vibe. [ laughter ] >> so, from here to here -- oh, jimmy, you're four inches. you are down with the crew, baby. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. i'm in it! i love this. i'm down with the crew. >> you are down with the forehead crew. >> jimmy: i'm very excited about this. does that mean we go to parties and stuff together? >> we go to parties. >> jimmy: yes! >> it's like ahh! >> jimmy: yeah, i love it. this is awesome. do i get to do things like this? look at this photo you tweeted out. i mean, what is that? >> so, now that you're down with the forehead crew, every time you see anythinghat represents one of us, you must get the forehead power and give and get it to your likeminded people. so, i was in jamaica at this hotel. and i saw this beautiful specimen of jamaican-ness woman, and i felt the need to -- like, get the power. >> jimmy: you touch foreheads. >> and look at the power that happened. >> jimmy: some sparkle came out there. >> some sparkle. >> jimmy: which does happen. >> that happened in real life. no filter, holler -- [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: that happened in real life? >> that happened in real life. >> jimmy: yeah, it does happen. >> can i, can i -- i think i feel it. >> jimmy: really? [ cheers and applause ] oh my god. i just felt it. that was amazing. >> yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm thinking about the five inches now -- the forehead. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> bad, bad, bad! >> jimmy: now, let's talk "america's next top model." >> that was so nasty. >> jimmy: this friday -- it was not, you can just see it from this side. you moved my hair up. you moved my toupee back. oh, come on. let's get a drum roll. see, she's quicker than quest. let's talk about "america's next top model" this friday.
>> yes. >> jimmy: 8:00 p.m. >> 8:00 p.m. >> jimmy: the cw, and this a new -- this season is all new. >> it's all new, new judges. we have rob evans who is an ex-boxer, now a super male model sitting next to me. he is so fine, jimmy, even you would be uncomfortable making eye contact with him for longer than three seconds. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. >> jimmy: well, i heard that you guys maybe are friendly. >> no. he is my employee, jimmy. i keep it professional. >> jimmy: i know, but i don't know, that's rumors going around. >> you know how they do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they do. they do, do. but, it's all college kids, right? >> it's all college girls. >> jimmy: it's all college models? >> all college girls. we have a girl from harvard. we have girls from party schools. we have girls from online schools. beauty schools, as long as you're getting your education in some kind of way, you're on this cycle. >> jimmy: i love that you do stuff like that. and you're very positive on your shows. you give very constructive criticism. smeyes is something i learned from you. >> yes. >> jimmy: where you smile with your eyes. >> yes, which you have learned to do, yes. [ laughter ]
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm trying to learn from you. >> that was really good. >> jimmy: i tried really hard. i'm learning from you. >> that was really good. >> jimmy: but, you have a new word now. >> i have a new word that i'm using, it's called flawsome. so it's like your flaws that's awesome means flawsome. like, we don't all have to be perfect because there's things -- i have cellulite on my legs. honey, if only you could see this. it's like, you know, it's flawsome to me. it's not great, i don't love it, but i got to embrace it. >> jimmy: that's your thing, flawsome? >> so yeah, and i have a flawesome ball coming up to raise money for my lower east side girl's club that i'm opening in october. october 18th is our big flawsome ball. [ cheers and applause ] we're celebrating uniqueness and raising money. >> jimmy: how cool is that? >> yes, but i have a new word. >> jimmy: you have a new word. >> that we're using on "top model." >> jimmy: okay. >> booty-tooch. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. booty-tooch? >> yea, it's like a dash between the two. >> jimmy: booty-tooch? >> booty-tooch. >> jimmy: booty-tooch. >> yes. >> jimmy: and what is -- i don't even know how to guess. >> booty-tooching is the art of isolating your buttocks from the rest of your body and poking it out while not moving the rest of your body to create a high fashion, yet sexy shot.
there good tooching and there's bad tooching. and i would love to teach you how to tooch right now. [ cheers and applause ] stand up. come one over here. >> jimmy: oh, man. this is going to be stanley tucci right here. [ laughter ] this is going to be like a no-tooch. >> okay, so, i'm going to teach you a couple of bad tooches, because in order to tooch, you have to know what not to do. >> jimmy: okay. >> so first is a hoochie-tooch, okay? that is a tooch that is too urban, a little to ghetto. >> jimmy: a little too ghetto. >> and so that's when you go, hey. [ laughter ] hey. >> jimmy: hey. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> hey. >> jimmy: hey. >> next is a poochie-tooch, where you're trying to stick your butt out, but you're sticking your stomach out and making a poochie. [ laughter ] a lump. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm wearing spanx. i'm wearing three layers of spanx right now.
>> okay. now i'm going to teach you a good tooch. >> jimmy: all right, this is a good tooch. >> this is a high fashion tooch. this is actually -- okay, so, tummy in -- we're not going to poochie-tooch. stick the booty out a little. >> jimmy: i am. >> and then we're going to -- we're going to gucci-tooch. >> jimmy: what's a gucci-tooch? >> okay, high fashion, hey. [ laughter ] don't move your neck. gucci-tooch. work it out. now, tooch in motion, tooch in motion, tooch in motion. >> jimmy: tooch in motion. [ cheers and applause ] the great tyra banks. more with tyra when we get back, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ...we had to go further, and rereinvent the suv.scape... with an innovative foot-activated rear lift gate... technology that can recognize your voice, and the best highway fuel efficiency in its class, up to 33 mpg.
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question. it's time for "a brainstorm." [ thunder claps ] >> you're getting warmer. >> jimmy: what did ryan lochte say to the water after peeing in the olympic pool? [ laughter ] [ thunder claps ] [ applause ] >> tim tebow. shirtless. >> jimmy: what's clay aiken's version of fantasy football. [ thunder claps ] [ cheers and applause ] >> turn the other cheek. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did john travolta say to his masseuse? [ thunder claps ] [ cheers and applause ]
>> always bet on black. >> jimmy: what is president obama's 2012 campaign slogan? [ laughter ] [ thunder claps ] [ applause ] >> i had it in the palm of my hand. >> jimmy: describe my sex life in college? [ thunder claps ] [ applause ] >> no shirt, no shoes, no service. >> jimmy: describe matthew mcconaughey without cell phone reception. [ thunder claps ] all right, all right, all right. [ applause ] >> bitch, please! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did tyra banks say ten years ago when i asked her out? [ laughter ]
[ thunder claps ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: this has been "brainstormed." tyra banks. "america's next top model" season premiere friday at 8:00 p.m. on the cw. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with jim norton. there he is right now in the bud light platinum suite. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [beach sounds] ♪[music plays]♪ ♪[music plays] ♪[music plays] dove knows women want to feel beautiful but need strength too. dove clinical protection is prescription strength wetness protection
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[ cheers and applause ] jimmy: you know our next guest from "the opie and anthony show" on sirius xm, and his correspondent work for "the tonight show." he also writes best selling comedy books and is a hilarious stand-up. please welcome the very funny, jim norton, everybody! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you for coming to visit our show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i'm a fan obviously of your radio show. i see you on "opie and anthony" in the morning. >> where did tyra go? [ laughter ] >> she had to go. >> oh, i had big plans for us. this really hurts. [ laughs ] >> jimmy: where don't you guys go together? >> yeah, i know, we always do show up. the paparazzi is staring to catch on. >> jimmy: how is opie and anthony? >> they're good. i mean, our contract is up, so we're either going to get fired in two months or we're going to stay for a while. i have no idea. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: gosh, there's always
something over there. >> show business stinks. i mean, you have a great -- jimmy is one of the really true, sincere guys in the business. he's like "come on the show." and people say that, i'm like "yeah, sure." and then i call and they're "but you said to come on the show." and you actually meant to come on the show. so, thank you for having me on the show. >> jimmy: i appreciate having you on. please, come on, we're fans. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: your stand-up special, "please be offended." jim norton's "please be offended." congratulations on that. >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: it was a big success. >> it did very well, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love that, "please be offended." but, what i even loved -- i think it's the coolest thing, is that ozzy osbourne should do the opening of it. >> yeah, the way it happened was, i e-mailed sharon and i'm like, "would ozzy be in my opening?" i wanted him to introduce me. and from his sitting on the toilet, i wanted ozzy osbourne to say "please welcome jim norton." and we actually -- she said yes, and she's like "would you mind shooting in our house?" and i'm like "no, i wouldn't." [ laughter ] i kind of creeped them out, because i showed up three days early and just sat on the lawn. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're a giant black sabbath fan, or ozzy fan? >> i love -- they're both the same to me. it's funny, i went to chicago recently to lollapalooza.
which was fun, i just wanted to go see black sabbath. and ozzy came out and they were i guess 30 seconds into the first song, and this girl comes up to me and she goes "jim norton!" and she seemed really, really drunk. so i'm like "all right, i got to talk to her." [ laughter ] nothing turns me on more than when i see a woman trying to focus. [ laughter ] and she's like "i love your material." i'm like "well, thank you." and she grabs my penis and squeezes it. >> jimmy: no. >> the whole story. [ laughter ] that's the beginning, middle and end of my wonderful chicago trip. >> jimmy: wow, and that's the memory you took back? >> that's the memory i took back, yeah. >> jimmy: your schedule -- did you get time to go see a concert? >> i went to see sabbath. the only other thing i d out there -- and i love chicago -- is i saw "batman." which i'm kind of an idiot to go to a movie on the road. but, i didn't like it. and it's amazing to me how everybody loves christian bale as batman. i just -- i don't like him, i'm
sorry. i like him as bruce wayne and i like him as an actor, but the voice. i take it he didn't want to sound like adam west in the series, but did you have to, you know -- [ laughter ] that's what you came up with? that weird face and lips combination? [ laughter ] and i didn't like -- and bane, i think tom hardy's a great actor. >> jimmy: you didn't like bane? >> no, everyone was like, "isn't he scary?" i'm like "he looks like me with a sleep apnea mask." [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: sleep apnea. >> and his voice -- all i could think of is he reminded me of that british nature narrator david attenborough. >> jimmy: yeah, sure. >> so, that's all i could think of the whole time watching him. "there's panda feces all over gotham, batman." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he does have that great voice. >> the spotted -- has giant testicles, batman." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you must have went nuts watching that.
>> i did, and i kind of wish they would have ruined -- like, my goal is to ruin a movie franchise. i really want to. >> jimmy: it's on your bucket list. >> i just need $90 million to get started. i have a "sex and the city" script, which is really great. at the opening of the movie, all four ladies are in a limo and they're going to a wedding or something and they're laughing. you know, "tee-hee, hee-hee." whatever they talk about, menopause -- hee-hee-hee-hee. [ laughter ] and all of a sudden, this dump truck barrels through a red light -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, all right, i got you. what page of the script is that. >> this is page one. >> jimmy: page one. there you go. yeah. >> all four are killed, the opening credits are still going. [ laughter ] now, the entire rest of the movie is the dump truck driver trying to plea down from murder one to involuntary manslaughter. >> jimmy: that is the new "sex and the city" movie you came up with? >> that's the new "sex and the city." >> jimmy: oh, we'll work on that. we know the right people. >> how long would it take "sex and the city" fans to realize "this is not the movie i came to see. [ laughter ] where are the girls?" >> jimmy: i know you're -- are you stressed out?
are you relaxed? i heard you lost your wallet recently. >> yeah, i'm embarrassed. i lost my wallet. i lost it like people always lose their wallets, in a transsexual bar. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you got to rewind a little bit. >> yeah, in fairness, i did not know it was a transsexual bar until i googled it before i left the house. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and you made sure of it there. >> you bet, i just pulled my hat down -- "hello, ladies." [ laughter ] you know, transsexuals are great. and i really mean it -- is it gay to have sex with a transsexual? see, nobody knows. [ laughter ] i don't need an answer from the audience. i'm just kind of reiterating the question i ask in the mirror every morning. [ laughter ] i'm not gay, by the way. i might be a little gay. [ laughter ] like, if you said to me are you gay? i wouldn't go "yeah," i'd probably go "what do you mean?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what do you mean, yeah.
>> well, you know it's amazing how guys get so angry at -- to me, if you get fooled by a transsexual, you should never get angry. i have never been mad when i've been fooled. [ laughter ] you know, you've got to take it in stride. you're not getting your money back. [ laughter ] here's the face you should make if you get fooled by a transsexual -- [ laughter ] you're good, you're good. maybe give her one of these -- ahh! >> jimmy: you got me. >> you don't get mad if somebody hands you peanut brittle and you open it and a snake pops out? >> jimmy: no, that's true. >> they really didn't understand what a brilliant example i was -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they do now. >> you think they do? i hope so. >> jimmy: there's an echo in the room. >> yeah. >> jimmy: jim norton, we love when you come by. >> i love you, man. thank you very much. >> jimmy: you're a good man, you're a good new yorker. [ cheers and applause ] jim norton! don't miss him weekday mornings on "the opie and anthony show." rob burnett joins us next. stick around, everybody. ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: rob burnett, welcome -- welcome to our program. >> let me just say i'm thrown right now, because i had planned to do the booty-toochie thing with you and i can't do it now. >> jimmy: no, tyra took that from you. i think better for tyra than me. >> jimmy: yeah. so, you don't need to bring dips and score. are you nervous, have you ever been on a talk show before? >> well i worked for one for many years. >> jimmy: 27 years. >> and i know too much not to be nervous. because i know that the second this show is over, you and all your friends get together and talk about which guest sucked. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and he was great, and tyra was great. so now it's on me. >> jimmy: no. come on, you won't suck. >> well i have something now, that i'm -- i don't know if it's great, but i was nervous about coming, because like, i've got to do well for jimmy. but then the god lord smiled upon me. i found a piece of video tape that i shot with dave letterman 15 years ago. and it was a piece where we took
this guy, his name was leonard tepper, he was a character actor on our show. and we decided to send him to the emmys. this was back when -- somebody knows what's coming. >> jimmy: yeah. >> this was back when we were getting nominated for emmys back before some young up star took our nomination. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, we just want to say we're honored just to be nominated. >> he's not. [ laughter ] >> i've been nominated, you want to win. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm working on the face for when we lose. >> exactly. yeah, yeah. exactly. anyway so, we send this guy -- so we took him to fit him for a tuxedo, and by chance, coincidentally there was a very special gentleman in that store shopping. >> jimmy: at the same time. >> and i have a clip if you would like to see it, it's quick. >> jimmy: yeah. >> take a look. i think you'll enjoy this. >> come on out. and time. here we go. >> and time. [ drum roll ] [ cheers and applause ] >> wow. my god -- >> i'm dave letterman, nice to see you. what's your name?
>> amir. >> amir, this is leonard. i notice you're looking at leonard. >> hi, i feel like a million damn dollars. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> by the way. that was a rental, so we need that back, it was a rental. >> quest: i still have that suit. >> jimmy: you do? yeah. oh my god. >> i paid for that. >> jimmy: you just happened to be there that day? >> quest: coincidentally. i was buying my first suit. you bought me my first suit. >> we were buying you your first suit. >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. congratulations, yeah. you started at "letterman" at 27 years ago? something like that. >> oh my god. that sounds right. 22 years old right out of college, i was an intern. and now i run the company. >> jimmy: now what, so you're at worldwide pants as well, as "the late show," >> yeah, yeah.
>> jimmy: you were in these halls? >> we were here we were doing our show from 6a for years, and years, and years. >> jimmy: how fun. >> so it's crazy to be back here. >> jimmy: is it weird to be back? >> it's very weird. >> jimmy: even just in the building. >> yeah, at the commissary i'm like i want that old tuna sandwich i used to have. >> jimmy: is that right? wow. >> yeah. >> jimmy: is that wild tuna fish coming back to you. do you have a memory that sticks in your head? >> for me, the highlight, i always wanted to be a comedy writer. and i love dave, so when i became a writer for the show, that probably was the highlight. i think it was one of those -- probably when you got "snl," right? like everything after that is great, but that's when you realize i'm living an alternate better life. >> jimmy: yeah, everything is kind of in slow motion. >> right, exactly. >> jimmy: you're like i don't deserve any of this. >> but it was not without some embarrassment. that when i got hired as a writer. the head writer called me in they said you can be a writer for the show. i said, "oh my god that's unbelievable." my parents were coming in to take me out to dinner just coincidentally. they didn't know the big news. so, they come in and my father drives a cadillac. and they have a small dog. these facts will be woven together in the story, trust me. [ laughter ] so, i come down stairs five
minutes after being hired as a writer. and my dad says we have to go walk the dog, can you sit in the car? so i said, sure. so i sit in the car and they go off and they're gone. >> jimmy: yeah. >> now five minutes ago, i have been hired as a writer on the show, and i'm sitting in a brand new cadillac. and all of a sudden dave, and the head writer, and everybody starts coming out of the building, and they look over, and they're like -- it looked basically like i went out in five minutes and bought a car. >> jimmy: hey, mr. big shot, congratulations. yeah. not so fast, buddy. that's great. >> i'm 25 years old, like why would you even buy a cadillac. how would you even get a cadillac? >> jimmy: i love that. >> i don't own a cadillac now. it was insane. >> jimmy: i also want to talk you about this. because i got this gift from conan o'brian, when we took over "late night" and he gave me this. this is a giant plastic pickle, and i didn't understand why he was giving it to me. but i installed it in the ceiling in my office. >> that's fantastic. >> jimmy: we lit it like it's a museum piece. >> it is.
>> jimmy: and you know about this pickle. i would not have this pickle if it weren't for you. >> let me explain something to you. and now what i realize, is i'm responsible for that pickle. i'm responsible for your first suit. i'm responsible for a lot that's gone on here. [ laughter ] and you guys get to go to the emmys and we don't, something is wrong. here is what happened with this pickle. when i was head writer of this very show before you were here, someone sent in a giant pickle. that part is folk lore. i don't know why. >> jimmy: just because they think it's funny. >> right. >> jimmy: it's a comically sized pickle. >> it's a comedy -- exactly. >> jimmy: it's a comedy pickle. >> it's a comedy pickle. >> yeah. you know this, right? >> jim: apparently i do. i have one. >> that's right. [ laughter and applause ] >> so i started a tradition at "late night" where when we hired a new writer, we'd bring the pickle and put it in that guy or gal's office. >> jimmy: yeah, to make them feel like, you're on a comedy show. >> yeah, look you're on a comedy show, you got a big pickle. so we did this for years and years.
and then when we left to go to cbs, conan was coming in. so i thought what am i going to do with this pickle, i don't want to take it with me. i'll give it to conan so i walk it down because he's the new guy coming in for dave -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i gave it to conan. >> jimmy: wow. >> -- and then i read somewhere that conan gave you the comedy pickle. >> jimmy: yeah, we passed down the pickle. >> you got the pickle. >> jimmy: i got it now. i got the big comedy pickle you guys. there it is. >> i'm touched. >> jimmy: there it is and i'm honored to have it. [ applause ] i want to talk about -- i want to talk about your movie, "we made this movie." this is the sound track here. but, this is major for you. you wrote and directed this movie. >> i co-wrote it with my good genius buddy, jon beckerman. we produced it together. it was a great deal of fun. it's this -- it's a small indie movie it's about these five high school kids who decide we've got these video cameras, we've got computers, we're going to go make a movie. >> jimmy: yeah. >> because anyone can do it. >> jimmy: how hard can it be? >> but not everyone should do it. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: you don't realize that yet. >> not everyone should. >> jimmy: yeah. >> so the main guy is so
convinced that it's going to be so gigantic that he gets three freshman to follow them around and shoot everything because he wants the dvd extras for their giant movie. >> jimmy: yeah, okay. >> so what happens is they're trying to make this kind low-brow like, you know, "borat" kind of, you know, "jackass" comedy. but they're terrible, but these kids capture everything else, and by the end, they realize they've -- the movie they set out to make is terrible. but by accident they've made a sweet, touching, kind of coming of age film. >> jimmy: i'm very excited to ask you this next question. >> go ahead. >> jimmy: we have a clip from the movie called "we made this movie." would you like to set up the clip? have you ever heard that question before? >> i don't know what it is. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] every star knows the thing, and then when you ask them, they're like we have no idea what's in it. >> jimmy: yeah. >> no, so in this clip, there is a character, one of the high school kids has been told he's deeply in love with this girl, and he's been told that -- he finds out that his girlfriend was seen kissing this cool
teacher. so he goes to the teacher's house to confront the teacher. played by the lovely arthur meyer -- >> jimmy: arthur meyer very funny, great writer on our show. >> a man on your staff now. >> jimmy: he is. yes, here is a scene from "we made this movie." take a look. >> demarco. i know you're in there you coward. you want to stay safe inside? fine with me mr. d. >> all right, all right, all right. i'll come out. >> you like broken windows? i love them. i spit on your car you [ bleep ] bitch. [ bleep ] scuffing this up. >> is that what you're going for? >> it will be pretty hard drive, to see who's in the other lane without your side view mirror. >> dude. >> oh, here we go -- yes. yes, here we go mr. demarco. [ thud ] >> how the [ bleep ] do you miss that? >> what do we have here? we have a stupid [ bleep ] fedora cap. looks like a bloated jason mraz. [ laughter ]
[ bleep ] demarco. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: rob burnett "we made this movie" premiered september 20th in new york city. and you can watch it for free online if you register at wemadethismovie.com. thank you for being so great to us here. we're big fans. a$ap rocky after the break, come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ obama ] i'm barack obama and i approve this message.
[ male announcer ] you work hard. stretch every penny. but chances are you pay a higher tax rate than him... mitt romney made twenty million dollars in two thousand ten but paid only fourteen percent in taxes... probably less than you now he has a plan that would give millionaires another tax break... and raises taxes on middle class families by up to two thousand dollars a year. mitt romney's middle class tax increase. he pays less. you pay more.
he's making his "late night" debut with us tonight to perform the song "goldie" with a little help from the roots. please welcome a$ap rocky! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ uh, uh, i said it must be cause a got dough extraordinary swag and a mouth full of gold ♪ ♪ all at my shows they be strippin' off they clothes and them college girls polishing my name ♪ ♪ on they toes talk 'til they get lockjaw chrome to ya dome 'til ya get glockjaw ♪ ♪ party like a cowboy or a rockstar/e everybody play the tough guy/e 'til pop off ♪ ♪ let's take it to the basics you in the midst the greatness my martin was a mason ♪ ♪ rocked margielas with no laces cristal go by the cases wait hold up ♪ ♪ that was racist i would prefer the aces ain't no different when you taste it a 40 ounce to chase it ♪ ♪ that's just an understatement i'm early to the party
but my 'rari ♪ ♪ is the latest somehow it seems girls in they late teens remind me your ♪ ♪ favorite jeans cause they naked cause you famous life's a mother ain't it ♪ ♪ these other rappers aimless so tell me what your name is i'mma tell it ♪ ♪ to my stainless you aim it for you bang it let that banger leave you brainless ♪ ♪ it's just me, myself and i and mother that i came with it's lamest ♪ ♪ wanna hate on me until i tell them to they face they ain't no g low key, haters mad ♪ ♪ cause i'm smooth puffin' zig zag tell 'em quit the riff raff ♪ uh, uh, i said it must be cause a got dough extraordinary swag and a mouth full of gold all at my shows they be ♪ ♪ strippin' off they clothes and them college girls polishing my name on they toes talk 'til ♪ ♪ chrome to ya dome they get lockjaw 'til ya get glockjaw party like a cowboy or a rockstar ♪ ♪ everybody play the tough guy 'til pop off yes i'm the tell me do it stink ♪ ♪ it feel good wakin' up to money in the bank three model chipping chilling on the sink ♪ ♪ and i'm so 'bout it 'bout it i might roll up in a tank cause my chain ♪
♪ came from cuba got a lock up on the link them red bottom loafers just to compliment the mink ♪ ♪ eyes, rollin' up that dank blowin' on that stank whatchu mean tell me what you drink ♪ ♪ i'm on that on that on that you could call me billy gates got a crib in every state ♪ ♪ man on the moon got a condo out in space patted on your legs patted on your face ♪ ♪ and them haters talkin' slick so tell them tell it to my face ♪ ♪ tell that, hop up on my rolled up on her quick in a six, told her suck the motorboat her ♪ ♪ i'm the, haters mad cause i'm smooth puffin' zig zags tell 'em quit ♪ ♪ the riff raff tripping with yo i said it must be cause i got dough ♪ ♪ extraordinary swag and a mouth full of gold all at my shows they be strippin' ♪ ♪ off they clothes and them college girls polishing my name on they toes ♪ ♪ haters talk 'til they get lockjaw chrome to ya dome 'til ya get glockjaw ♪ ♪ party like a cowboy or a rockstar everybody play the tough guy 'til pop off ♪ ♪